your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
