return my video game
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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