i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
