My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize