i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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