3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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