I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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