when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
