Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
