I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michael Bay diarrhea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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