shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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