Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
