i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize