Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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