Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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