This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
MIDGETS
????
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
