My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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