I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
