You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need moral support for this bender
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
