How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
