i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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