got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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