No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
