I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
