Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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