just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize