Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
