Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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