mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and she was petting her beer can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
