Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
