i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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