I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
