Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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