Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
