And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
