I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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