So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
