you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
