I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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