if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
