My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
