you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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