Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
