Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
