best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
