i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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