I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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