This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
