I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
