When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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