My liver just broke up with me...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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