It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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