Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
