Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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