What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
