Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
