barbara walters just said penis...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You ruined the universe
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
