My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
