I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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