I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He passed out mid-signature
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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