I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
