wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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