are you still at the devil's house?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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