i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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