My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
