please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
