Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
