So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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