Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
