dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
