I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
