remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize