we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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