Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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