if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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